cruciform ..

last night i was witness to a very strange ordeal ..

i watched as someone took a smooth shiny lacquered carved wooden cross
and persistently set about undoing
the shiny
the lacquer
the smooth
the carved edges ...

weird ..

sacreligious  !

they rubbed it on concrete to remove the niceties
the decorative work
roughen it ..
took a pocket knife to it too ..

strange

and then i wondered ..
.. .. . .... .

the cross that that cross represents ..
was it
decorated  ?
shiny
lacquered
smooth
carved  
  ?  ?

a thing of beauty  ?

.. . . . ..... .

it was a rough thing
barely fashioned
just enough to accomplish its purpose

it was a tool of torture
of death ..
not a decoration

an invention of hatred
violence
subversion
abuse ..

not something to be adorned
or adored
... . ..  ..... .. .

many years ago
i began to read a detailed description of the effects of dying nailed to a cross ..
i stopped short
and that right soon ...
it wasn't something i wanted to read
or needed to either

that experience was repeated again and again
at easter
when churches
   particularly traditional ones
in the land where i grew up
put the crucifixion on display
as if it were some festivity

although it was a sombre time for most
it was a dread experience for me
everytime ..

even when i wanted to watch a movie about Jesus
when it got to the point of the crucifixion i would fold up inside
i would turn my head and look away at particularly painful points ..
try to drown out the sound of the hammering ... .
i simply can't handle it ...
i would become sombre
morose
doleful
withdrawn
 ... .. ..

it happened again with the passion of the christ ...
i have been cajoled repeatedly
for not watching that movie ..
i've been told it was wonderful
it would forever alter the way i viewed the death of Messiah Jesus ..
i hear that ...
suffice it to say
i simply cannot handle it ..
just can't

.. .. . ..  .

and then ..
there's Jesus
. .. . ... . ... . .

abused
body flayed
the indescribable dreadness of seeing him beaten
slapped
pushed around
mocked
nailed to a cross ...

violence perpretrated
on the innocent
   as perpetrator
for my sin
for your sin
for the world's sin
for the sin of the cosmos  ?

.. . .

so perhaps
the marring of that pretty cross
was much less a sacrilege
and much more a testimony to truth
than i allowed for

perhaps my own decoration of the crucifixion
stood in the way of my understanding that torturous ordeal
perpetrated on God


it allowed me to look at the cross
while masking the horror ..

i need to know that horror
........ .. .. . . . .. .   .

i need to be cross-ed out
the cross be my life
trade life for death
in the pursuit of life
real life
cruciform life

life in the shape of a cross ...

unless
and until
my life ends up on that cross
my life is void
an empty space still waiting for full-fillment ..
a dark hole
that i keep dumping things into
hoping to fill it
drown out the darkness
with the colour of gold
or the colour of money
or the colour of acceptance
of accolade and fame
of power

the cross is my example
it depicts
not the hatred violence subversion abuse of Imperial Rome and its emperorgod
but the indescribable unfathomable impression of love
Love in the flesh
dying
on a cross

forsaken
accused
abused
sentenced
love exposed for all the world to gawk at
and to scoff
and to ridicule
and to berate
and to curse

cursed is the one that hangs on a tree

cursed
for
me ..

because of me

damned .. . .. .

i used to rationalize the crucifixion
   in a way ..
not that i meant to be negative
i was simply wondering why it was such a big deal
   when other people suffered the same fate ..
don't scoff at that ..
i know
it was Jesus
but ..

and then i came to this ..
i knew it was Jesus there
but ..

it was Jesus there ..

Jesus
not other people
and that makes the difference ..
massively

the unique Son of God
as in oneofakind
Logos himself
Creator and Sustainer of the universe himself

hatred
violence
subversion
abuse ..

dying .. .. .. . .. . ..... .

on a cross ..

?  ?
?

naked
exposed
shamed
rejected
alone
suffering

it was Jesus .. . .

yes the cross means a lot to me ..
it has come to represent my life
it reminds me of my death
and my deathlife

i am in deathlife

i have been crucified with Messiah
i don't live any longer - Messiah lives in me
and the life i live now in this body 
i live through faith in Jesus, Son of God
who loves me and gave himself for me

get that
the Son of God - that person
gave himself
   as in offering
   as in crucified
   as in death
for me

that's why it's such a big deal
God died
in Jesus
for me

and
for you too

.. ... ..  .



when I survey the wondrous cross on which the Prince of Glory died
my richest gain I count but loss and pour contempt on all my pride

forbid it Lord that I should boast save in the death of Christ my God
all the vain things that charm me most I sacrifice them to his blood

see from his head 
his hands
his feet
sorrow and love flow mingled down
did e'er such love and sorrow meet 
or thorns compose so rich a crown

were the whole realm of nature mine 
that were an offering far too small
love so amazing
so divine
demands 
my soul 
my life 
my all
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6z3Cn5Yj10I



shalom