the trials of introvert adjusting to unfamiliar ...

beginning this post thinking i might not post it
because i prolly won't say it right
because some people won't understand
because some of the people that won't understand
are some of the ones that matter the most to me
because because because ....

i have to resort to doing it this way
because i can't think of a better way to do it
and it's causing ... issues

i got this thing ....
sometimes
especially when i'm in new/unfamiliar/strange/different ............ . . .
uncomfortable ? as in outside the walls of my comfortzone ......

i tend to hunker down
shrink
get small ...
real small
as in roll myself into a ball and hide in the darkest corner i can find

this new place i'm in
is that ...
stepped out of the life i'd made and settled into
into this strangeness
again
for the ... severalth time
again ...
beenthere/donethat

it's unnerving
for me
for someone like me
cause i'm built for security/comfortable/fit in/familiar
...

i'm an introvert

that means this
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-bartolotta/traits-of-introverts-_b_4111006.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
it's a fairly good description
although generalized of course

so when i move into that new/unfamiliar/strange/different zone
and i hunker down
i disappear

there are private things i do
fb
email
blog
read
sit in a coffee shop and watch and listen
sit on the street and watch and listen


and then too
i  try to work against the tide of my introversion
meet new people
go new places ...
but that's a strain on me
because it's stepping out of my balled-up hunkering down
it saps me
energy runs low

point is

some of my friends and family take that wrong
or become offended
they think i'm diss'in them
because we don't talk and communicate like we used to

not so
not so

bear with me a bit
allow me the space to recover
adjust
undo my natural swing towards hiding
unroll myself from my balled up pose
and come out

i'll be back
eventually

question is ...
can you handle that?

....... .. .

some of my friends are hurting
going through hurtful things
while i'm in hiding

i wish i could help
i really really do

and there are 1 or 2 things i have to take on
one of those people is dealing with massive life issues
things that make or break you
and i had to deal with that this week
try to help
had to
no choice
glad i could

but i can't handle it all at the same time
i just can't
i'm tapped out
all resources spent focusing on my new/strange/unfamiliar... threatening space

i do mention you to God when you come to mind

....

listen
i love you
you are my friend
i wouldn't trade you for anything

i just need space for a while
to find myself here in this newness
while i feel cold and uncomfortable and out of sync and
.... my tooth hurts !

you might well 'accuse' me of being selfish ...

sorry
i really am
don't mean to be
it's just that i know what i can handle
and how much i can handle

hang in there, my friend

i'm still here
and i'll be back

pray for me
i'm here for hurting people
and i need to acclimatize as soon as i can
so i can help
i need to learn as fast as i can
get around to all the places and meet all the people involved in what i want to be involved in
   = very un-introvert stuff

and i need work

it's a stage
a trasitioning
i'll be back ...

peace