a good friend
who cares immensely for me and my wellbeing
especially since i moved 2,000+ miles further away ...
the talk sparked an impassioned response from me
and it's worth mentioning here
context - this is a personal blog
the meaning of 'blog' entails personal
it's my stuff
out of my mind
it's not designed to teach
instruct
admonish ....
it's my stuff
and if anyone gets anything from me putting my stuff out there
then go with it
when i give my life to Jesus
i give my life to Jesus
it has taken a lifetime to figure out what that means in reality
my whole life
it seems
has been pointing to this newlife
here
doing what i'm doing now
a 56 year long hike
point is
since i moved to this country several years ago
i have seen God work
over and over and over and over and ... over ...
in the things my life entails
especially the little things
at least 'little' in the eyes of others
like barely having enough money for a cup of coffee
a HUGE issue for me .. ha
or working a lawn maintenance job
and it begins to drizzle
= i would have to stop for rain
come another day to finish
= $ lost
and i ask my God to pause the rain long enough to finish the job
and he does
this has happened several times ...
or i have no work
and ask my God for help
and he has repeatedly made a way for me to earn a living
repeatedly
i have asked for car issues to be solved
and he solved them
on his own
several times
i have asked for a dog companion
and he gave me the best dogfriend ever ...
i have had many dogs in my life
most of them great animals
but this dude is the bomb
those are just a few things that come immediately to mind
so when my friend and i talked this morning
and the overwhelming concern and worry erupted from them
as it often does
about me being wise and using 'common sense'
as it concerns my money and stuff
and about using my money and stuff to help others
while (they think) putting my own welfare at risk ...
i gradually became emotional as the conversation developed
... again
see
i got this thing ...
i'm worried about it
when i think of what's (not) in my accounts ...
but in talking
i realize i'm not worried really
i simply need to remind my self
that
i
own
nothing
and too
i
have
no
rights
that's the point
i am here
in Jesus' name
to do God's bidding
in the power of God's Spirit
for the benefit of hurting people
period ...
end of story
selah ..~
i have no career
i currently have no paying job
i live with 2 people and 3 dogs in a camper
but that's ok
it really is
here's why
i am not responsible for my wellbeing ...
my God is
it is his problem
not mine
absolutely
i have a 'bad' heart
and 'require' aggressive treatment through statin drugs and severe diet restrictions ...
i quit the statins 1 1/2 years ago
and moderate my diet ...
i'm working on the exercise
he has looked after me all the years i've been in transition
and he has proved himself totally reliable
incredibly trustworthy
all the time
every time
how then can i not trust him
stop trusting him ?
i live for him
i live in him
i live out whatever life there is left in this flesh
for him
with him in mind
i see a man and his wife sitting on the sidewalk yesterday
asking for food
i feed them
a young guy
maybe 20
asks me for change
i empty my change pocket
how can i not ? ?
that would be to punch my God in the face
after his protecting/providing all this way
after all he has done for me in Jesus
through Jesus
after Jesus went to the extent he did
to provide reconciliation
include me in it
after the abuse God suffered through Jesus
for us humans
for the sake of the very abusers
after all this
do i really count my money
mark off my rights
stand up for my self
defend my space
my clothing
my food
? ? ?
i have to trust my God
and that's what trust is all about
it's about giving up my ownership and my rights
and what-i-think-i-deserve
and simply trusting
him
faithing it
what is faith worth
when i grab on to stuff
tie it to my waist with a lockandchain
look a hungry man in the eye and tell him i have nothing
when there's something in my pocket
see a cold woman hunkering down on the sidewalk
and not give her my coat
whose coat is it ?
whose change is it ?
not
mine
i own nothing
i have no rights
all my ownership and rights
exist in the person of Messiah Jesus
my master
the upshot of all that i just said is this ...
if God is God
and the God i believe him to be
the same God that created everything
the same God that delivered israel from slavery
and me from slavery
the same God that incarnated
that lived humanity
that suffered
that died
that defeated death and raised himself out of death
to defeat the powers over death
and provide release for his human siblings
provide life for them with him
in his very presence
..... ... . .. .. ... .... .
then how on earth
can i
not
trust
him
he is absolutely trustworthy
to worry about my life
is to diss his trust
i cannot
not
anymore
i'm in
full-bodied
heart
soul
mind
strength
i am in
all of me
every ounce of this 130 lbs
i'm in
for the journey
i'm in for the fight against the dark powers
i'm in for the abused
the homeless and hungry and destitute
i
am
in
get it ?
do not worry for me
simply mention my name to my God when you think of me
and then walk on
praising him
adoring his goodness
flourishing in his love ...
do that
it's the only real way
Jesus said
" if you don't lose your life
for me
you can't be my disciple" ...
i'm trying to be his disciple
i'm trying to lose me
you ?
shalom to you
Well-said
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