life 4 ..~ trekkin' out .. 8

tonight was another slap in the face of my ingenuousness ...
i keep getting slapped
my fault really
how could i be so ...... unknowing  ?
have i been so lost all my life?

it was the 2nd time i ate with the homeless
who come to the church compound to eat and sleep on tuesdays
it's a rotation thing among several churches

i helped prep the meal
and then hung around by a wall
watching them being served
while 3 homeless people played guitars
and sang their hearts out
about jesus

later i got some food
and sat in the middle of a few older ladies
and listened

when i felt cool with it
i introduced myself

i listened

i watched

i ate

lee was there again

one guy told me to get blankets at the thrift store
$3 or $4

i noticed the lady across from me as she ate
she was neatly dressed
she had impeccable manners
behaved like she was from a high class background
and when she spoke i heard perfect english perfectly spoken
i'm thinking ... she's one of the helpers or something ..... ..
she was homeless

jennifer was there ...
we saw her downtown today
sitting on the sidewalk
with a sign
" if you're having a bad day
imagine yourself in my place ...
so smile " ....
there was a cup next to her with a few dollars ...
and she began to cry when we talked
said we wouldn't believe how she was treated today
people castigating her
calling her lazy
telling her to get a job
she's a bum
and on and on and on ..
today seems to have been particularly bad for that ...
but jennifer can't work
she has severe hip problems
....
jennifer is almost always smiling

there was this guy
sitting at one end of a table
a plate of food in from of him
fork in one hand
his head resting in the other hand
eyes closed ...
i saw him
i saw him again several minutes later
same exact position
   eyes still closed
   fork still poised
he remaind like that for over half an hour
we were clearing the stuff
cleaning up
i was washing dishes
i checked him again
still there
i sat across the table and tried to get his attention ...
absolutely no response ...
i became worried and spoke to 2 helpers
he is a meth/coke user ...
we were quite worried
one of the helpers walked over and took his hat off to see if he was alive
the man jumped clean off the chair and screamed
then he started crying
prostrate on the floor
face down
while several people looked on
scared and worried and wondering what to do
a homeless woman went gently to his side
knelt down and began gently rubbing his back
speaking softly ...
some were worried he might hurt her ...
eventually he looked up
" why am i on the floor ? "
the dude was sober and alert and clearheaded as a judge ...
one of the most radical things i've seen ...
she spoke softly to him
and said he apparently had a bad dream
he replied he had a dream about his ex ...
he realized there were people looking on
and apparently embarrassed he grabbed his stuff and quickly left
leaving his food ....

that soft-speaking woman was jennifer
.... .  ........ .. ... .

there were children there
15 14 12 10 years old.....
children
homeless

old ladies
homeless

i told jennifer later
my intention was to educate people about homelessness
get them to know that homeless people aren't necessarily
druggies or drunks or dropouts or lazy ...
she was all for it
thought it was a useless endeavour
noone will listen
but go for it !
then i asked her if she'd talk to me on tape ?
she is all in
said she's ready whenever

one of my friends left the room
crying
couldn't believe we were feeding hungry children

selah ..~

i was leaning against a wall
talking to the pastor
as we watched the 80 or so people getting their meals
i told him
i want to see us feeding 500 at a time ...
he looked incredulously at me
and said
" don 't scare me
i get the feeling you'll get what you're asking for ... "

i hope so

selah ..~

a friend blogged recently
that we might never see the fruits of what we're trying to do
kinda like the monarch butterflies
they die before they get to where they're migrating to ..
another generation gets there

that may be so for me
i'm cool with that
God helping me
i give whatever life there is left in me in the effort
no prob
none whatsoever

i mean that

i was destined for this

i just took so long
to get here .... .

so very long ......... . ... . . .. . . . .

shalom