lost and found and lost and found ...

i was lost
all my life

i thought i found me
once
and i followed a path i figured was me

and then
i didn't know i was lost
all my life

but i was lost

i had this stuff
in my head
i learned
and i thought i was right ...
and being right became my foundness
and i followed that path a long ways
over hill and dale
overseas ...
over people ...

but i was lost

and i thought i was found
i thought i was right
i thought most people were lost
but i was found ...

but i was lost

very very lost

but i thought i was found ...

then one day
i fell in a hole
a very deep hole with water in the bottom and mud all over
and i became wet and dirty
and i couldn't get dry
just wet

and lost
in a hole
a very deep hole

i kept my foundness with me
my rightness

i hung on to my rightness
but it was heavy
very heavy
it weighed me down
it kept me in the mud
it kept me wet and muddy

then one day
in my mudhole
i freaked my self out
and had this wild thought
this heretical idea ...
i drove it out
rapido ...
i'm not a heretic
i'm right !
i will not leave my rightness behind !

and i was wet
and dirty
and getting sick from the wetness and the muddy dirty dirt

and i knew i had to get out

i knew that all along
but the walls were muddy
and it was so far up to out
i thought i could never get out
i thought i would die in my wet muddy hole

and there was my right
how could i ever tote that
up and out ...
no way
i couldn't leave it
it was me
my right was me
it was who i was
i was defined by my right
i fought for my right
took on all and any comers
'cause my right was right
their right was wrong
and i was right
dead right ...

the thought kept coming back
again and again and again ...
time after time i bit down hard
forced it out
away !
get away !
i can't leave me behind ...
how could i leave my right ? ......

i lived in that hole a long time
atrophied
aged my self in my wetandmuddy hole
nearly died there

i finally knew
i knew
if i stayed in my hole i would die ...
and that thought kept coming
it barraged my mind
till it broke my will ...

and i started to climb
out
of my hole
the only way i knew how ...
i dropped my right
left it there in my wetandmuddy hole
and climbed
hand over hand
finding footholds and toeholds wherever i could

it was hard
i was weak
it was a deep darkandmuddy hole i was in

i stopped from time to time to catch my breath
and think of the heresy i'd done
leaving my right back there
at the bottom of my hole

but i was moving
up
i could see light
up
reflecting off the mud
in my wetandmuddy hole
so i kept going
drowning the thought of the thought of leaving my right
back there
deep in my wetandmuddy hole

i made it out eventually

a long arduous climb

out

up

barely made it

and i left my rightness behind

gradually i began to regain my strength

i began to live again ...

without my rightness i left behind in that very deep wetandmuddyhole

because it was a heavy burden

and i wouldn't have been able to get out with it

but i was out

and the burden of my rightness was gone

i began to realize

i was free

free ...

i began to live

free

free of my rightness burden

my mind changed

my heart changed

slowly mind you

but change it did

slowly

out

up

i found me

finally

i'm not lost

i'm found

i found me

after i left my foundness in that deepwetmuddyhole

my rightness

my burden

i'm alive today

living life

newlife

walking a newpath

free

without my burden

apart from my rightness

free

found

alive

shalom