just have to share this ...
i was speaking to a longago friend this morning
we have not kept up with each other
and i haven't spoken to him more than 2 or 3 times in the last 10 years
and all within the last month or so
i grew up in the church back home with him
he's 14 years younger than i
he went to bible school
and came home for holidays and preached
i remember the shock i felt
the jaw-agapeness of hearing this 20yearold bible student preach an incredible sermon
with incredible understanding and massive communicatory skill
God blessed him with that ability and insight and gift
i'd look forward to hearing this young man whenever he spoke
lots of water's flowed under the whatever bridge since
and he's a mature man now
thing is
he's hitting walls in his life
walls that need tearing down
walls that are his
his walls
our walls
that wall us in
define us
if we let them
'tear down those walls' someone said
he's hitting the walls because he's noticing his walls
they're in his face
defining him
boxing him in
and they're formidable walls
walls he can't tear down alone
in his own strength
selah ..~
i've had this blog post in the making for a few weeks
unfinished
about suffering
and the value suffering can bring to life
if we let it
and this speaks to that
so
as is so often the case with us
he is suffering through major life issues
big stuff
lifebreaking stuff
lifedefining stuff
stuff that keeps us awake at night
dogs us
won't let us go
drains the very lifeenergy
those walls
he had to write some of it down
and in the writing
he saw the walls loom large
because he's confronting his walls
some for the first time ...
and he almost shrunk back
almost quit assailing the walls
almost looked back from his proverbial plow
but he didn't
it hurt as he wrote about his walls
recalled the walls in his past
the walls that defined his maze
that led him to these walls
it hurt
but he worked through the hurt
as he wrote ...
his mind went to his heart
and called up stuff from his heart
stuff he didn't want called up
because it hurt
stuff he had walled in
but he wrote
and he dug down
deep
recalling from his heart
upward
to his mind
through his pen
onto the paper
deliberatley written
each stroke of his pen cut
drew blood
his own blood
as he admitted his walls
confessed his walls
'break down those walls'
and he recognized himself
there behind those walls
and he knew he'd been hiding behind those walls
all along
and he knew he had to get out from behind those walls
because he'd been pretending
all along
to not be him
and he realized he had to be him
or it was all a huge joke
a waste of life
a waste of him
so he dug
and he pulled his pickaxepen
and he swung his pickaxepen
hard as he could
at those walls
it's hard
breaking down your walls
it takes courage
strength
perseverance
you want to quit
it hurts
but
he saw himself
coming out from behind the walls
and he knew he had to keep swinging that pickaxepen
or he'd remain stuck behind his walls
he had to get his self out
had to find his self
make his self him
or or it was all a huge joke
a waste of life
a waste of him
he had to be him
again
for his sake
for the sake of the others in his life
for Jesus' sake
selah ..~
some long time ago
when i started blogging
i blogged on journaling
go here for that .. http://asthekingdomturns.blogspot.com/2013/01/trust-lord-with-all-your-heart.html
i am still of the mind
that when you force yourself
to talk to yourself
particularly in writing
you do yourself a favour
you learn who you are
if you're honest in the doing of it
when you do what my friend did
you look deep into yourself
and discover you
the real you
the you you sometimes pretend you're not
the you that hides under your bed
or in your bed
the you not many people know
the real you
the you in your heart
that needs to be who you are
needs to be who you're comfortable with
who you are free to be
without apology to anyone
to any group
to any career
to any church
the real you that you need to be
or you fail
bigtime
as in massive
the world deserves you
you are of value to God only as you are you
if you play roles
and pretend to be some other you
you lose
you diss' God
'cause he made you in his image
if you hide that behind walls
bury you under walls
display another you to people
pretend
then you diss' the image of God in you
don't do that ...
find the real you
dig down deep
use a pickaxepen and break down your walls
and let you escape
into the open
for the whole world to see
for God's glory
in whose image you are
it's the only real way to be real
be real
be
you
for God's sake
in Jesus' name
peace to my friend
shalom to you
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