the 600, the 37, the 1 by 1, the invisible and advent ..

sometimes i wonder ..
who do i really think i am .. .  .

i mean, really
 ..

the names are read
37 of them
they mean nothing to me
i don't know any of them ..

but the room is full
and the people in there know them

or should i say
knew
them

1 by 1
each name told out loud for us all to hear
i by 1

tissues were passed around
the woman next to me was crying even before they started reading those names
i'm sorry for her
sorry for whosever name it was she was crying for
i put my arm around her shoulder for a minute
just to let her know there was someone else there
while she cried
even if she didn't know who i was
just someone ..

37 names
37 people  
a michael
a robert
a brian ..

i knew narry a one

but they did
and it hurt like hell ..
and i felt some of that

may have been a sister
a dad
a high school mate ..
1 was a surfer-friend from way back that got caught in drug-addiction ..
they were known people
and they were missed
each 1 of the 37

and i felt a rage
low in my gut ..

easy lad
easy ..

i wanted to cry
i wanted to cry out " how could this be ? !
this is so wrong; this can't be right ! "

a friend said a few words of comfort
   of hope
he told about another homeless man
in another time
who promised
he promised !
he said he was going away to set up a place for everbody
a place for each 1
every 1
a warm home place with a roof ..

those 37 were homeless like he was
so he knew just where they were at
he could feel the pain in that room
he saw the tears
he noticed the tissue that dropped on the floor
heavy with the hearttears of a friend that remembered a friend
..    .    .

thing is
all some people need
   is to know somebody sees them
      and cares enough
         to not allow them to be invisible
            anymore
someone said ..

not invisible
as if they're not there
passing on that side of the street
looking the other way
turning around and heading in another direction
because we don't want to see
them
there
today
inmyface
not today ..

they are our ugly side
our consciece
could be me
on some other day
maybe

it doesn't take long for the switch-up
could happen overnight
what with ponzi schemes and housing market bubbles and derivatives and ..
wealth into nothing
or health into nothing ..
all gone ..
homeless
tomorrow
Madoff madeoff with it
and i got nada
all gone
and now i'm homeless

and now
i'm .. homeless ..

and they pass on the other side
look away
don't want to see me there
panhandling
still coldtothebone from last night ..
want me to go away
leave their mind
... . .    .

the other side of me that i clench my teeth at
and hope i never see his face
dirt-smudged unshaven wrinkled face ..
i don't want to be him
i don't like him
i don't want to see him

i want him to go away
be
invisible
.. .

but
there are those flags        
600 or so of them over the last 13 years
each flag has a name an age and an end-date
end date
left out of here
gone to another place
won't be coming back

a friend
gone ..
but remembered
not invisible
flagged and
mentioned and
memoried ..

they were homeless
and they're gone
too soon ..
.. .. .    .

no place to lay his head

selah ..~
...  .  ..

and then there was stephen
he'd been around for many years and knew a lot of the 600
the 600 ..
  1 by 1 ..

he made an impassioned statement
of being involved
of caring
of doing something to end this
all of us
something
joining the move to shut this massive wrong down
to end the invisibility
and bring light to the dark ..
to the culverts i saw them crawl out of yesterday
next to the park ..

release
liberation
freedom

advent ..

selah ..~

that homeless man
long ago
he was something
he wasn't invisible ..
he tried to hide for a while
they wanted to make him into something big
he hid ..
they wanted to big him up
because he cared
and the care moved him
and he challenged the powersthatbe
for the invisible ones
..

homeless man
went the distance for the invisible
for all of us

chew on that a minute ..
a homeless man represented me
   and you
to the powersthatbe
a homeless man stood up to empire
for release
for freedom
for the value of every human
1 by 1 ..


that homeless man is my eikon
he inspires me
i want to be just like him
.. .. .

sometimes
i wonder ...
who do i think i am ..

what can
i
do

how can i do anything to change this madness
me  ?
who do i think i am ..

they lived on the street last night
again
the many nights of coldness and fear and invisibility
cutting into their bones
into their soul
drying up their blood
ageing them
dying them
slowly

what can i do  ?
really
..   .      .

then
sometimes
in the middle of my doubt
wondering whodoireallythinkiam
in the depths of my despair for them
   ( or for
         me  ?  )
i remember my icon
my master
that homeless man
who visibled the invisible
brought light into the dark tunnels
   the darkness of those culverts where the invisible sleep
shone light on empire
   on privilege
   on disrespect
   on pomposity and hatred and despising-fellow-humans

and something wells-up inside
some lightray shines in
some energy runs through my blood
up into my heart

and i remember
him
them
the 600
the 37 in 2013
the 1 by 1
the foolish me
the weak me
the insignificant and despised me
the nothing me ( 1Corintians 1 )
and put it all together in the same bowl
mix heartily
add a little love and a pinch of effort
stir more
add some kingdom
a teaspoon more of him
mix
taste
add some more love
and get up
walk
into
the 600
the 37
the 1 by 1      
the invisible
 ..    .   . ..  .

because they didn't deserve that

they absolutely do not deserve that

and i want to be invisible with them
for them
for the them that will become a them today
become invisible
for
him

he promised !!


...... . .     shalom