sorry ... again .. .

i ranted today
and i am sorry
in a way
kinda
like

but then ...
there's this

i was working in the church today
and this late-20's/early-30's woman approaches me
" do you work here ? "
she was dressed in slacks, a long coat, sunglasses ..
   looked like she might be an office-person type
" yes ma'am "
" do you know if somebody that's homeless can park their car in the church parking lot at night ? "
" i'm sorry, no.
but they can park on the side of the street around the church "

she said thanks and turned to leave
i stopped her
" ma'am .. .. .. . are you homeless ? "
"yes .. my husband and i became homeless today " .. .     .

i was stunned ..
naive me
again
thrown right off ..  . .   .

further to that
they just gave up their child to live with the grandparents
rather than put the child through what their life is now
... .. ... . .    .

just an hour before that i was talking to a very good friend
   who heard of my blog post today
      i'm sorry
and was ... shall we say a bit upset at me ..
they said i was always judging people
   ( which i'm not .. read my posts across-the-board )
and angry
i wasn't a good testimony
Jesus says we are to be peaceful
we are to live holy lives that speak to Godness
and witness to people
kinda thing ..

i'm sorry
i got upset
again

i'm so done with that kind of thinking
so done

i'm done with sitting in a pew sunday morning sunday night wednesday night
and then going my way 24/6 trying to get people to see my christianity is right
by argument and critique
this doctrine vs. that doctrine

although i resist the temptation to throw out the baby when i dump the bath water
and know the scriptures are integral to the maturing of the Body
i also see that i diss'ed the doing
the ' with ' the hurting people
as i sat comfortably at my desk or at home
and turned pleasantly in my warm bed at night
belly full . . . . ....   .
while people starve and freeze and child labour persists and child prostitution and ..

i'm so done
.. .   ... .

i came to this place in the discussion ..
i said " knowing what you know today
at this stage in your christian life
if it was the 60's
and martin luther king was taking to the streets to speak somewhere
against the dread injustice of the continued suppression of black people
100 years after slavery was ' abolished ' in this USofA ..
would you have joined the street march  ? "

see
that's where the cold hard truth bites
that's where you look in the mirror and ask your self that question out loud
and wait to hear what you answer back ..

think about it
what kind of a christian are you  ?
what kind of a human are you  ?
who rigs your sails  ?
who determines your response  ?

you better look in that mirror

you better ..

when your ( my ) christianity doesn't include
   and even start with
the mindset of relieving the burdens of the burdened
than you're ( I'm ) not christianing
Christ is not your ( my ) example ..
     
i keep pointing back to the gospels
when my faith does not resonate with the Jesus of matthew/mark/luke/john
i'm lost
i'm not on
i'm out-to-lunch
and am of all men most pitiable
for i'm nothin' but sounding brass
tinkling cymbal
a whole lotta loud hot air ..

faith
apart from works
is dead dead dead ..

i want to be living
alive
in Jesus
bursting with Jesus
bustin' loose with helping people
overflowing with compassion

i want to be angry at whoever and whatever system(s)
made jennifer and her husband homeless today

i don't think she was really interested in my doctrine or hearing about my God
at this point ..
she wants help
maybe if i can help a little somehow
maybe then she'll listen about Jesus
maybe
..  . . .    .

my good friend warned me about callin'-out the satan
i told him
audibly
that his is coming someday for causing all this
and i cannot wait for that day ..
i don't think i overstepped my bounds in what i said
although my friend thought i did ..

your day is coming Satan

meanwhile i stand against you
under the cross
and i will try my utmost to undo some of your doings
what little i can

with the hurting
against injustice
for God's sake
in Jesus' name ..