in search of shalom and kicking my self in the arse ..

there's this thing that's kickin' my butt ..
yesterday i walked by who is probably the best example of homelessness i have ever seen ..
clothes were absolutely in tatters
dude looked like he hadn't bathed in a year
hair looked horrible ..
he was probably in his early 20's ..
                                                       
and i passed him by ..

i kick my self in the arse
over and over and over for passing that guy..

ok, i have excuses ..
i am absolutely not a human when i get up from sleeping ( or trying to sleep ) ..
my system goes through a wakeup process
probably similar to a computer or a space vehicle ..
things have to be brought online
   like my brain ..
you don't want to be engaging me in too much conversation
do not be asking me questions ..
i'm latent ..

add to that, i hadn't yet had my 1st cuppa ..
   that's huge
and too i'm sick
as in sick
and not sleeping

and there you have the recipe for what could have been a poor response to whatever that dude brought to the table if i had engaged him right then

but ..
i should have
regardless of the potential for damage

am i not Jesus' disciple  ???
is he not a person
   a person in dire need  ??
how do i juxtapose those 2 things and walk away
   unscathed  ?
it just doesn't compute
will not launch  ..

i should have taken that opportunity to be Jesus to him
he should have experienced some kind of love yesterday when we passed each other
i should have clothed him and fed him and given him a cup of water in Jesus' name ..
no other option makes any disciple-sense ..

he should have walked away with some sense of refreshing
some feeling of self-esteem regained
   at least a notch or 2
some renewed recognition of his humanity
   in whom is the imago dei
.. some hope

i'm asking God to organize another meet with that guy
give me another chance
please


in search of shalom .. .