the fierce urgency of now ...

you may not be
who you think yourself to be ...

sometimes
i surprise my self
with something i think
or do
to me
it's totally not who i am ...

strange, that

you would think that after all this time
i would know me
after all
i am who i am
....
aren't i ? ? ? ...

well....
a wise person once said
The heart is more deceitful than anything else,
and incurable -
who can understand it?
   (followed up by:
   I, the Lord, search the heart,
   I test the mind,
   even to give every man according to his ways, 
   according to the fruit of his doings.)

worrisome stuff
i mean
if i don't even really know
me
then
who
am
i
really
?  ?

selah ~:~ .. .


yesterday
i was listening to a PBS station
a historian was commenting
on the memorable Martin Luther King
momentous man that he was
and a few words of his incredible speech were played
among them
the fierce urgency of now
...
which stuck in my mind

i lost the rest of the broadcast

my mind stuck there

i wrote the words on my hand
while driving (shhhhh..)

i did not want to forget them

why
did they hit me like that
i wonder ...

there's this funky little green guy
i have his pic on my cell as a background
wild ears (remind me of my dog)
and clawed fingers
all 3 of them
...
he's quite unlike
what he appears to be at first sight
when you get to know him
you realize he's not quite the twinkie
you thought ...

he strikes the senses
as diminutive
unremarkable
dismissable
...
but he's quite the person
powerful
in an understated way
very powerful ...
and wise

he's not the one to underestimate
not at all ...

so
what's the deal with this post ? ?

i been thinking ...

you never know
when
my life
will end ...

i never know ...

it could be
like
now
next minute
heart attack

or
crossing the street
an hour from now

maybe tonight
as i sleep

someone mentioned this morning
that some guy named kidd kraddick
a comic radio host
died
at 54
1 day before my birth day ...
he used to listen to him on the way to work ...

i laughed
! !
laughed !

wow
did i just do that ? ? !

why

how weird
totally outofsync
with
me
...
i think

just sayin'

i laughed because
i was thinking
just last night
about what i'm writing about here
...
the fierce urgency of now

another wise person said
Besides this, knowing the time, it is already the hour for you to wake up from sleep, 
for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is nearly over, and the daylight is near, ...
now
already the hour
as in it's high time to wakeup
getup
now

what martinlutherking was referring to
was that
even after 100 yrs
what the great united states of this america
had committed to
   and warred and killed over
was still
omitted
people of colour
were still excluded
sidelined
made to feel outcastish
pushed to one side
in favour of whites
...

now is the time
now

the fierce urgency of now

caused me to think
about me

when is my
now
going to be
? ?

when ?

i don't have tomorrow
or today
or an hour from now

i only have
now

what am i waiting for
tomorrow ?
today ?
an hour from now ?

that mentality
is dangerous
it could cost me
my life

my life

it's really not
my
life

it's his life

it's just that
he's the kind of person
that waits on
me
to give it

he will not violate
me
he will not

force
me

he will wait
until
i
see
the
now
and offer it

what an incredible God
absolutely mindblowing person

how can i not

now


shalom