faith it ...

sometimes ...

i just want to crawl away
into some deep dark hole
or drift to some deserted island
... with my dog

sometimes
it seems the world is caving in
and it's caving in on me
right onto my back

and a heavy load it is too
burdensome
encumbering
stressing
pressure

madness looms large

my very body seems to sense it
tense
tight
unsmiling

my soul is dark
my spirit coma'ed
my mind is a mess
   turning here and there at every flick of the second hand
   worried about this
   troubled over that
   morose
      almost

all is
unrest

selah   * . * . ~

sometimes
this can go on for days

it's like i'm looking for the world to end
... or for me to end
       go home


selah   * . *.*~


sleepless
tired
mind running at incredible speed
mentally burned-out

even my bones feel the ache


selah *.*.*.~


if i could just
pull
my
self
in the direction of
faith
....
..

well ......... .. .
is it real
or is it not
?

truth be told
it is the foundation
of my
faith

faith is the foundation of my faith

a lot hinges on it
it is one of the keys to the kingdom

no less than
the Master
spoke of it
often
over and over
chided his disciples for not faithing
over and over

it bears on its back
the full weight
of Messiahwalk

and we need but
very little
to move a mountain
about as much
as mustardseed-size

... i can't even muster mustardseed-size ? ? ? .. .


selah *.*.~


good thing
my Jesus
is so longsuffering
with
knots
like me
tangled mess

good thing he's not like me
stress madness endoftheworld iwannagohome

he is the dawn
the breaking in of newness
the reestablishment of God
in the cosmos
as acknowledged Master

and he bears with my
stuff
my attitude
my gloomanddoom stuff

my
tiny
eenyweenyitsybitsy faith

he gets that
somehow
understands
... wild !

i manage to look up
see my
self
barely reflected
kind of like in a fog
and the smiling
welcoming
face
that looks at me
is
Jesus

i start to change
a little

but it's change

my foot is out
and now a hand
and another
and
pretty soon
i'm spreading my wings
testing the winds

flickerflutter


i'm being transformed
again
out of worm
into
~.~.  ~`~  .. .
butterfly

cocoon
some twisted memory of an old life
an old attitude
a tired
me

i'm alive !
awake and aware and fairly levelheaded and zipping all over the place
on the slightest gust of wind
feeling life
breathing it in
again
again
again

newlife

renewedlife


selah *.*.~


that's
my
faith

i have to go there
or i die ...
i have to

i can't deny
what i know
who i know

i give him my life
my
body
soul
spirit
mind

i yield
willingly
gladly


selah *.~


i can't
simply cannot
remain
in that hole
be that worm
die again

this is my 3rd life
i don't know how many more there are
or if there are any at all

i choose to faith it
use my faith
ask for more faith
beg for more faith
look for it
search
my heart
the Book
my Lord
...
everywhere

everything hangs
on that hook

there are 3 left
faith
hope
love
and the greatest of the 3
is love

but ...
without faith
it is impossible to please God


selah ~`~  ... ~

so ...
a thought then
when you're castigating your self
for the drama
the burdens
the dark tunnel that looms ahead
the hole you're in
as if it's
your
fault
....

remember
you live in warzone
there are powers and principalities and wicked spirits in heavenly places
that want you
they want
you
wounded
out of spiritual breath
dragging
immobile

this is the time
to faith
right in the face of darkness

buck it
fight it

call out to Jesus
in faith

faith it
for God's sake


shalom ~.~