i have this shirt that says "growing old is mandatory; growing up is not" ...
i'm trying to grow up
as i grow old
the more i am willing to open my mind
to other mindsets and understandings
the more i realize i am most fallible
... note the word 'fall' in there
i don't want to just grow old
i want to grow up
into Jesus
i'm beginning to realize
that my narrow theology
has blinded me
to the rich diversity out there
in 'Christianity'
and for me to say or think
"i have arrived at the truth
the rest is error"
is for me to un-evolve
as a human
as a spiritual being
as a person indwelt
by the very Spirit of Creator God himself
another saying
this time in the flyleaf of my Bible
"when being right becomes my main focus
love is in remission" ...
it's dead-on
i, moi, have to drag my spirit/mind
into the arena of 'different view'
and respect the view-er
and be humble
i cannot stand around anymore
hands in my pockets
and allow the move of God
that is fueling a searching Christian core of people
driving them back to Scripture
to mine God's wisdom
dig it out for themselves
in the face of 'orthodoxy' and 'tradition'
... i cannot allow it to walk past
i want in
i want to know
that my spirit is growing
maturing
as i submit to his Spirit
leading my spirit
leading me
shaping me
reshaping me
into the image of Jesus
God
whose image i am
wants to comform me
to the image of his Son
as a son
i want to be conformed
to the image of Jesus
not restricting that conforming
by being rigid
holding on to positions
for the sake of tradition
or pressure
whether social or religious
i want to conform
i want to grow up
i am willing to be wrong
i am willing to be changed
i am willing to be unsure
that is simply a rehash
of a previous blog-thought ...
i can doubt
in faith
and have my trust
unshaken
God is hugely bigger than my doubts
i want to be bigger than my doubts
sometimes ...
i simply don't know
shalom
Owen, let go, and, let God. Striving is exhausting, and might Your Heavenly Father, the Lover of your soul, just want you to rest in Him? Not become complacent. Not to wrack your thoughts for what is more. But to truly Rest in His Love and Grace and Peace. Then the humility will not be yours but His. The becoming as Jesus would be the work on the Holy Spirit. Not yours.
ReplyDeleteDebby is right as far as beating yourself up. From your own words, you have evolved from what you once were. You are more accepting and tolerant. Do not expect overnight to "arrive". None of us do, if we are honest with ourselves. If we are honest with ourselves and open to it, god will use our entire lives to mold us into His image that he wants us to have. If someone ever thinks he/she has arrived, that is when they stop living. They will then be like stagnant pond water. I know I am not the same person I was three years ago, two years ago, and even six months ago. God is constantly wrestling with me about certain areas, and I fully expect Him to up until the day I die......because I am not perfect, and I never will be. I will never say, "I have arrived".......until I am in heaven, and oh, how I long for that day because this life stinks most days, and it is full of pain.....and not just physical.
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