ad hoc bday stuff

i'm sure there are 'better' ways to spend a few hours 'off' on a birthday
i guess it depends on who you are ...
i want to read
i read 1 fiction book a year
this is it
and enjoy some good coffee
maybe a brownie ...

but i pause
to post this

i've turned a corner in life
crested a hill
and occasionally i lay down the pack
and the staff
usually on some exceptionally beautiful outcropping
overlooking something gazeworthy
rest my legs on my bestbud's furry side
and reflect
and maybe dream
of what it might be like ...

a good friend
who likes to pose cut-to-the-quick questions
asked me some time ago
if i could do whatever it was i wanted to
without regard for the $ cost of it
what would it be ....

that'll pause you right there
dead in your teacks
that slices deep ...
the offthecuff responses
about travelling and fine cars and fast bikes
wine women and song
diving the great barrier reef
touring the amazon
immediately get trashed
asin blah-blah-blah
and you get real
cause it's a real question
about the real me

i ask my God regularly
for more life
and the energy necessary
to accomplish something
for him
before it's too late
too dreadfully late

not the kind of something
that shouts out
or makes a big splash
that brings accolade

the kind of something
that makes him smile
maybe jump up and clap his hands excitedly
in glee
pleased
excited
thrilled even

i don't remember the details of my answer to my friend
i can only hope it wasn't drivel

i think
my answer would be
now
learning to love people
one at a time
getting past the visual
and the judgements that flow
and loving
pure like
straight out love
unimpeded by this or that
unhindered ...
undone
kinda like how Jesus
was undone in love for me
undid his glory
and laid it all out
bare
naked
no fluff

i think that would have been my answer
if i could substitute for whatever it was i said then

i'm not any spring chicken
i been around the block a time or 2
and i have enough sense to know
the next stroll
could be my last

may this stroll
last or not
be worthy of
'welcome, friend'
a hug
and maybe a smoochie

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lord God

you had such incredible intentions
for us humans
and we flubbed it
badly
screwed it all up

it cost you everything
your very life
in the undoing of it

and the undoing is in process

i want to contribute to that
with whatever i have left
all of it

for you

in Jesus' name