wasted energy .. .

I began this several days ago. Then a friend posted a blog that spoke to similar. I guess confession is catching ..?

I have wondered … why is it I get so bent out of shape, put out, stressed out, even to the point where I feel ill? Am I not a son of the most high God? Has he not promised to care for me? Hasn’t Jesus spoken clearly enough about it (Matt 6)? Or am I just daft? … or  maybe rebellious, full of myself, thinking 'I can do this on my own, thank you' …

Whether it’s on the job or at home, there are times when I simply lose it. All seems to be tumbling, like the proverbial  Humpty Dumpty. Life becomes too much.

Whether it’s an ill friend, or a struggling child, or an overwhelming financial situation, or a sorry boss, or a hurting friend, or … whatever, somehow the worry gets past the trust and I stress … we stress. And more and more and more medical data points to stress as the primary cause of disease, including all sorts of cancers, diabetes, mental disorders, anger issues, etc., etc., etc. .. This blog, however is not so concerned with the health issues as with the spiritual issues. (They are interrelated, ya?).

Something’s wrong with that. It needs to change. I need to facilitate that change, and the sooner the better. I, as in me, need to change. Nothing will change unless I change it, or, better yet, allow God to change me. I have the say, you know. He won’t just up and wave his wand and change me. He has endowed me and all humanity with a certain amount of sovereignty, say-so, authority. The fact that I still struggle with this crap evidences that.

So… why? I have already alluded to some reasons: rebellion; pride; taking authority over my life. It all boils down to what my friend dubbed ‘when rubber meets the road’. I can posit all sorts of convictions, beliefs, doctrines, and follow them up with Scripture, and be dead-on; but unless I inculcate in my self those things, I will invariably be my own guide when the rubber hits street level. When the junk comes down the pipe and the stuff piles up I will resort to ‘me’ to deal with it. Me - my authority, my own boss, my healer, fixer, doc, psych, … master. And fail again.

It’s interesting that, regardless of my apparent success at dealing with issues, I ain’t supposed to. How can I know the full implications of my ‘fix’? I am, after all, imperfect, my knowledge finite. My resort is to be my Lord, the one to whom I have entrusted my life (supposedly). And there swings the pendulum – I’m trusting, but I’m not trusting… I’m faithing, but I’m not faithing. What is it with that?? Why on Earth do I persist in my foolhardy ownership of the issues that surround me? Why?

Part of it may be simply that we are taught to do just that. We are instructed by society that, as good individuals/citizens, we are responsible for our lives, we are to own our stuff, and not to do that is shirking. Well … that’s admirable, in a way.  It may well be that I caused that issue; I may be the wickedness that brought that issue into my own life (or someone else's). So in that respect I own it. But I cannot be the solvent. We really are not to see the troubles as ours, but as falling within the realm of a fallen world, where we live and move and be. To see my self as the authority and turn to it to fix it is questionable at best.

There is, first, the fact that I do live in a fallen, broken, injured, corrupted (and corrupting), decaying world. I do what I do because sin dwells in my body, and my body lives right here in this sin-full world. That’s not to absolve me of guilt, by the way; it’s simply the way it is: I am influenced by my world. Then I move out of my world into the spiritual reality of the fact that my lord, Lord Jesus, has overcome the world (John 16.33). This man did it. He proved it in a body like mine living in a world like mine facing mine-like issues. And he beat the system flat-out. (Don’t be quick to resort to his Godness. The whole point in becoming human was to be human. Besides, we are created in his image and likeness.) My Leader, Rabbi, Master has done it, as human. He is my example.

And he tells me just that. “You can do this!” “Here’s how.” … Matt 6 and so on. Is he wrong? Misguided? Lost? … Absoultely not. I am. So I have my example, and his teachings on how to overcome this world. And yet I refuse to let go of the reins. Knuckles white, I cling determinably to the steering wheel, stupidly thinking somehow that I know what’s around the next corner, that this hydroplaning is under my control – I can right this. Fool that I am.

The response is a trust-response. It comes from a heart of relinquished control, authority handed-over, submission. My life is lived under the authority and guidance of the King, for I am his subject. He will handle the stuff, even if it’s not according to my liking or my timing. It’s NOT mine … it simply isn’t. And instead of dragging this huge bag of junk around, I need to do 1Peter 5. 5-7 (… and all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.). I need to trust in my King. Simple.. ?

At the end of the day, the same Word that said “You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.”, also said “ … whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith.^” The victory is mine, in Messiah Jesus, my Lord. Hear that? To us belongs the victory, we can overcome, even in these bodies.

That leaves me with this: will I ever get to the point of relinquishing my authority over my self to my Lord …? To not do that is will-full, foolish, pride-full, rebellion in the face of him who walked my walk, and gave up his life that I might have life. Life in its fullness. Life that overcomes this present darkness. Life that ascends above the junk and sees the reality of it all, relegating it to the I-can-overcome pile. For none other than Jesus is my Lord! That’s all the argument I need. Period.

When I think of how much energy I expend trying to deal with the drama, it is staggering. If I could simply approach it differently, change my attitude, then that energy could be much better used in furthering his kingdom - attending to the needs of people, trying to reflect Jesus to this atrophying world, bringing some light to the darkness, some hope to the hopeless, some encouragement … pointing people to his glorious face. That is worthwhile.

Why stand here and die in this useless drama-mess? Why not take up a worthwhile battle, and go down fighting for the Kingdom. 
I can’t think of a worthy response … can you?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't rely on your own understanding; 

submit everything to him as the authority, and he will level your paths. (Prov 3. 5,6).

peace