the fierce urgency of now ...

you may not be
who you think yourself to be ...

sometimes
i surprise my self
with something i think
or do
to me
it's totally not who i am ...

strange, that

you would think that after all this time
i would know me
after all
i am who i am
....
aren't i ? ? ? ...

well....
a wise person once said
The heart is more deceitful than anything else,
and incurable -
who can understand it?
   (followed up by:
   I, the Lord, search the heart,
   I test the mind,
   even to give every man according to his ways, 
   according to the fruit of his doings.)

worrisome stuff
i mean
if i don't even really know
me
then
who
am
i
really
?  ?

selah ~:~ .. .


yesterday
i was listening to a PBS station
a historian was commenting
on the memorable Martin Luther King
momentous man that he was
and a few words of his incredible speech were played
among them
the fierce urgency of now
...
which stuck in my mind

i lost the rest of the broadcast

my mind stuck there

i wrote the words on my hand
while driving (shhhhh..)

i did not want to forget them

why
did they hit me like that
i wonder ...

there's this funky little green guy
i have his pic on my cell as a background
wild ears (remind me of my dog)
and clawed fingers
all 3 of them
...
he's quite unlike
what he appears to be at first sight
when you get to know him
you realize he's not quite the twinkie
you thought ...

he strikes the senses
as diminutive
unremarkable
dismissable
...
but he's quite the person
powerful
in an understated way
very powerful ...
and wise

he's not the one to underestimate
not at all ...

so
what's the deal with this post ? ?

i been thinking ...

you never know
when
my life
will end ...

i never know ...

it could be
like
now
next minute
heart attack

or
crossing the street
an hour from now

maybe tonight
as i sleep

someone mentioned this morning
that some guy named kidd kraddick
a comic radio host
died
at 54
1 day before my birth day ...
he used to listen to him on the way to work ...

i laughed
! !
laughed !

wow
did i just do that ? ? !

why

how weird
totally outofsync
with
me
...
i think

just sayin'

i laughed because
i was thinking
just last night
about what i'm writing about here
...
the fierce urgency of now

another wise person said
Besides this, knowing the time, it is already the hour for you to wake up from sleep, 
for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is nearly over, and the daylight is near, ...
now
already the hour
as in it's high time to wakeup
getup
now

what martinlutherking was referring to
was that
even after 100 yrs
what the great united states of this america
had committed to
   and warred and killed over
was still
omitted
people of colour
were still excluded
sidelined
made to feel outcastish
pushed to one side
in favour of whites
...

now is the time
now

the fierce urgency of now

caused me to think
about me

when is my
now
going to be
? ?

when ?

i don't have tomorrow
or today
or an hour from now

i only have
now

what am i waiting for
tomorrow ?
today ?
an hour from now ?

that mentality
is dangerous
it could cost me
my life

my life

it's really not
my
life

it's his life

it's just that
he's the kind of person
that waits on
me
to give it

he will not violate
me
he will not

force
me

he will wait
until
i
see
the
now
and offer it

what an incredible God
absolutely mindblowing person

how can i not

now


shalom

reconciliation ... more, again ...

there's this word
   that's been hanging around in my head

it won't go away

i know the word
sortof
but only recently has it struck bone

it's just a word mind you
but it will not go

it wants to stay
in my head

i think i'll let it

i think i'll water it
and see what happens
trim my leaves
as the word grows in me
and old stuff dies off

'tend to it
and maybe i'll grow some
in the 'tending

there's this philosophy
that sings
you will find what you chase
   some day
go after it
look for it
   everywhere
   expectantly
and it will appear
   later
      if not sooner
maybe surprise you
maybe mare than once
maybe more often
   the more you entertain
      the thought
   encourage the
      imagination

Creator God
looks for you/me to chase him
go after him
look for him
   everywhere
   expectantly
   longingly
   fervently
   intensely

romans chapter 12
speaks of renewing my mind
as i offer my self
   to God
not just let my self
   be conformed to the prevalent system
   my environment
   blown hither and yon
   by the prevailing winds

but rise above it
look for God
in the middle of the crap
   everywhere
   expectantly
   longingly
   fervently
   intensely

for it is my understanding
   still growing though it is
that Creator God
is into re-creating
re-newing
re-life-ing
... reconciling
all things
all
things
in the heavens
and in Earth
and under the Earth

he is absolutely into reconciliation
and i am in
i am in
in
me

i'm looking for that
   everywhere
   expectantly
   longingly
   fervently
   intensely

i am looking for
shalom

shalom

my new word
the word i chase
look for
expectantly
everywhere

shalom

i'm kinda training my mind
training my spirit
to see it
when it appears
wherever
whenever

i don't want to miss it
i want to see
even if it takes me by surprise

i long for
shalom

i live for shalom

perfect centre

bullseye

settled

balanced

unencumbered

weightless

... ~:

shalom

to
you


peace

worship is ...

somehow the word 'worship' has been coopted

used to be it encompassed a whole slew of stuff
and now ...
it basically refers to the musical/singing portion of a church service

this may not sound very encouraging
and just another slap at christianity
but ...
i'm basically diss'ing this new take on worship

worship is adoration, pure and simple
and Scripture encourages us to adore God
in fact in the shema
   it directs us to love him with every aspect of our being
which is worship
   for if i give all my energy to valuing something or someone
   i am worshipping

there are times that should be set aside
   specifically for directing my attention solely to God
as in prayer, reading Scripture, reflecting and so on
that too is worship

think 'adore'

it entails blessing God
thanking him
offering him praise for the person he is
   and the things he has done
submission of my self to him
   and his desire for my life
honouring him
   by giving up my self
   my things
   and my life
   for his sake

all this is worship
and it is certainly not locked-in to music and song

so that when we 'go to church'
and a person or a choir or a group or a band
strikes up
and renders their performance ...

.... i beg to differ
but while that can be worship
the more i see of it
the more it smells of
performance
as in a concert
for the audience
for God ... not so much
maybe

when you talk to someone
and in the conversation you thank God
   for something he did for you
that's worship

when you comment
"God has been so good to me"
that's worship

when you give money to a needy person
in Jesus' name
that is worship

when you refuse yourself
   a new pants
   a dinner at a restaurant
   a new tv/cell phone/ipad
   to make that money available for God
that's worship

there's a comment by apostle paul
at romans 12
that encourages us to offer our lives
   to God
as a living sacrifice
   not a dead one
   as in throat-cut
   bleeding
   on some altar
and some translations use the word 'worship'
   for that

however you honour God
pay tribute to him
praise him

you worship him

... make it so
with all you have in you
   think 'ardently'

in Jesus' name

shalom